The Harry Situation

I just sold the rights to this blog to a very reputable foreign producer for over one hundred rupee.

This Blog will soon be a hit musical! Bollywood, here I come!!

With its new international following, perhaps The Harry Situation has a good chance of being picked up for a back nine? If it went a full 22 episodes, then I would make enough money to satisfy all the exciting judgments againstme, and still have enough left over for a fantasy vacation in the tropics.

Oh, and one last thing…

I have a brilliant idea for a cutting edge graphically sexual documentary following the exploits of a failed television writer who is trying to pick up the pieces of his broken life and move on. It’ll need a huge budget because every episode ends with a decadent party complete with ice sculptures that pee vodka and naked dancing girls who parachute into an Olympic-sized Jacuzzi.

I would star.

And I’m looking for a sponsor. Since I’m a reasonable person, I’m not ruling out any reasonable offers.

So I slept with her.

There. I slept with Teri Morgan. I had a moment of weakness. For five and a half weeks. But I don’t regret it. I found a door that would open and a room I wanted to enter. And I entered it over and over. Sometimes more than once a day.

So thank you, Teri Morgan. Thank you for what you and your body did to my body. Even though you are currently destroying my life with your egregious lawsuits, and I may do time for a crime I didn’t commit, I thank you for the time we had, and I promise that if I am ever in the same position I was in, I hope you will be in the same position you were in.

Go ahead Nancy. Sick the dogs on me. My one regret was that I turned off the camera, because then at least I’d have an awesome sex tape.

The truth is finally out. That feels better. Aaaaahhhh.

Here me loud and proud, world: I’m a cheater.

I did indeed have an affair with Teri Morgan.

I did not, however, try to kill her.

You don’t have to believe me, but really, if anything my confession should be a credibility booster. I’ve put everything on the table.

And Carrie, I’m sorry you got tangled up in this.

I hope they drop the criminal probe and let you go. And I’m sorry that I missed a chance to testify at the Grand Jury on your behalf. I overslept.

I believe in you and your talent, and I think you should be a working actress, not squirreled away doing 25 years-to-life in a woman’s prison for attempted murder. You deserve more.

By the way, for those of you attorneys who still think that Teri Morgan’s audition tape is evidence of adultery, I have a twist in the case for you to enjoy.

Here are the sides we were reading in the audition.

I dug them up from a box that I just found. It was labeled ‘Misc. Audition Pages’. And it was completely hidden under other boxes labeled other things so I didn’t even know it was there until last night when I uncovered the box. It’s true!