The Harry Situation

Carrie Harrison was a production assistant with no experience when we hired her to replace Teri Morgan as Cindy Christington.

It was the best decision Nancy and I made. Far better than our decision to marry.

We were on the chopping block, and the injury of our lead threatened to close down the show permanently.

Basically, the show would have died without Carrie. Look at this:

Focus groups loved her, so the sponsor had something to believe in.

So get this: Garnier Fructis had serious reservations about a script I wrote called “Glued To You” where Cindy and Harry start to have more than just a sexual relationship. They thought the language I used when talking about Bold It, would cause audiences to think the product was some sort of sexual glue, again.

So instead of shooting the episode and then testing it with a focus group, they shot a PSA apologizing for the yet-to-be-shot episode, and then put the PSA in front of the focus group.

Enjoy:

And it tested through the roof. Box office gold!!!

Test groups loved Carrie Harrison’s Public Service Announcement so much that Garnier Fructis approved the episode that they hated, only because they were sure that their audience would love the PSA that apologizes for said episode.

The sponsor started to fall in love with Carrie Harrison. They made a snap decision. They told me to refocus the whole show on Carrie Harrison, pushing her character into the foreground.

So I slept with her.

There. I slept with Teri Morgan. I had a moment of weakness. For five and a half weeks. But I don’t regret it. I found a door that would open and a room I wanted to enter. And I entered it over and over. Sometimes more than once a day.

So thank you, Teri Morgan. Thank you for what you and your body did to my body. Even though you are currently destroying my life with your egregious lawsuits, and I may do time for a crime I didn’t commit, I thank you for the time we had, and I promise that if I am ever in the same position I was in, I hope you will be in the same position you were in.

Go ahead Nancy. Sick the dogs on me. My one regret was that I turned off the camera, because then at least I’d have an awesome sex tape.

The truth is finally out. That feels better. Aaaaahhhh.

Here me loud and proud, world: I’m a cheater.

I did indeed have an affair with Teri Morgan.

I did not, however, try to kill her.

You don’t have to believe me, but really, if anything my confession should be a credibility booster. I’ve put everything on the table.

And Carrie, I’m sorry you got tangled up in this.

I hope they drop the criminal probe and let you go. And I’m sorry that I missed a chance to testify at the Grand Jury on your behalf. I overslept.

I believe in you and your talent, and I think you should be a working actress, not squirreled away doing 25 years-to-life in a woman’s prison for attempted murder. You deserve more.

By the way, for those of you attorneys who still think that Teri Morgan’s audition tape is evidence of adultery, I have a twist in the case for you to enjoy.

Here are the sides we were reading in the audition.

I dug them up from a box that I just found. It was labeled ‘Misc. Audition Pages’. And it was completely hidden under other boxes labeled other things so I didn’t even know it was there until last night when I uncovered the box. It’s true!