The Harry Situation

Let’s move onto the next two accusations on the list.

4) I enlisted a PA to drop a 90lb stage light on Teri’s head.
5) To buy that PA’s silence, I cast her as Teri’s replacement.

What am I, some sort of mobster? I ordered a hit? I gave a job to a co-conspirator?

Yes, an inexperienced PA took over the starring role in a television sitcom. But Carrie Harrison looked the part. You want to know what part she doesn’t look? That of an attempted murderer.

They’re claiming this adorable twenty-year-old dropped the light on Teri Morgan.

And the evidence to back up that accusation is completely circumstantial: Carrie was right there when it happened.

Carrie was the one person behind the stage when the light fell. And usually that area is empty for sound reasons. Big deal.

Here’s their “evidence” that I bought Carrie’s silence:
I cast her right away as a lead in a big TV show despite the fact that she had never ever acted before. And she happens to refuse to say anything about the incident of which she was the primary witness. Oooh, ya got me.

Look. After Teri’s tragic accident we were all stunned. But the show must go on – especially when the show’s sponsor had already tied our episode airdates to giant media buys and product sales benchmarks. We couldn’t let something as small as a gruesome near-fatal accident slow us down. Let’s not forget – there’s a target demographic out there aching to increase its product awareness and brand loyalty! So we moved forward.

By the way, did you catch who was standing next to me when we announced that Carrie was taking over for Teri? That’s right, my soon-to-be-ex-wife Nancy!! And yet I don’t hear any talk of a Grand Jury indicting her. You know what, Grand Jury? You make me sick. You and Nancy deserve each other. Go ahead, indict her. Really. I dare you. You guys are made for each other.

Seriously. Thanks for your emails everybody. But parroting the same accusations against me is getting tedious. Think for just a second Detective Stupowitz: If I wanted to kill Teri Morgan, why was I the only one who helped her?

See? Now shut it.

Plus, I was the first to visit her at the hospital and I was very concerned about her ability to speak.

Fire alarm in library. This isn’t over.

2) Teri Morgan threatened to expose our illicit affair unless I left my wife.
3) I tried to kill Teri Morgan to keep her quiet.

So maybe you’ve seen this video on YouTube (posted, no doubt, by my ever-helpful ex-wife Nancy).

But if you haven’t seen it, let me first say that this was truly an unavoidable tragedy. It was a terrible accident. In no way can any connection be made between anyone’s actions, and the random terrible tragic accidental accident. Exclamation Point.

Many of you will say, “Todd, why did you yell ‘Drop The Light!’ right after she entered? And why did a light drop on her head, almost killing her, right after you yelled ‘Drop The Light’?

These are legitimate questions. I have a legitimate answer:

It’s production slang. Check out the entry in this highly accurate encyclopedia.

‘Drop the Light’ is an industry wide term for ‘Lower the Light Levels” This is “Often said while shooting when the camera is maxing out the white levels and the director believes the rest of the shot will be good if the light level is dropped. It has nothing to do with any physical dropping of a lighting fixture during the scene, especially if there is an actor near or under the light.”

Some crew members claimed that I tried to silence Teri prior to shooting the scene.

Judge for yourself. I was running a television show. Do I have time to sit and listen to everyone? The camera was rolling and we were on a schedule.

This was not show and tell. This was television. Were we going to sit there and listen to her tell us about the Secret Santa rules for the crew Christmas party? No. We weren’t. So we didn’t.

This is not evidence that I was having an affair.

Now that you understand what’s going on here, do you really think I was trying to kill her to shut her up about the affair we were having?

Take another look. Here is the whole thing:

And by the way, Teri Morgan is fine. I know for a fact that she only wears her neckbrace when she goes to court.